I HAVE debated no less than three different relationship topics with various people on and off-line. Taken individually, no single topic was particularly groundbreaking. But, when I began thinking about them in total I realised they’re topics that we think about but don’t like to discuss because the conversation is usually uncomfortable. Instead, we avoid the topics and hope they work themselves out on their own when we already know they never will.
Below are three topics people should discuss in the beginning of a relationship but they often don’t have until the end:
1. Is being faithful hard?
Rather than answer this question, I’ll ask another question. If being faithful is easy, then why do so many people cheat? Have you asked your partner if they’ve always been faithful or their thoughts on cheating?
To be clear, I’m not only talking about physical encounters. Many people limit their definition of cheating to physical encounters. However, most infidelities don’t leap to the physical. You often work your way up to the physical point, so what about all those missteps you took on your way there?
2. Is arguing a natural part of every relationship?
Can you genuinely remove arguing from a relationship or do you believe arguing is a natural part of a healthy relationship? What happens if you find arguing detrimental but your partner finds it natural? What’s the difference between an argument and a debate?
I always hate to prescribe definitive answers to emotional or subjective subjects. I’ve been in relationships where we never argued and I’ve been in relationships where we argued all the time. However, neither relationship was relatively better than the other. Sometimes the relationship I was in where we never agued might have benefited from us putting facts on the table, even if they made us uncomfortable. Conversely, in the relationship where we always agued, there were times when we would make petty arguments into grand stands, because we were trying to gain ground based on an important argument we lost days, weeks, or months ago. At times, we were immature and petty, but there were few times where we held back our feelings. Obviously a balance is best, but biting your tongue to maintain peace is often no better than getting everything out of your system in the present in order to have peace in the future.
3.Is your significant other entitled to your social media passwords in a committed relationship?
What are your thoughts? Do you have access to your significant other’s social media accounts? Do they have access to yours? Why or why not? Does not providing your password automatically mean you’re hiding something?
Some people say your wife (or family) should know your password so they can access your account in the case of your untimely death, to which my response is, “like hell they do.” If I’ve passed away, I can think of absolutely no good that will come from you having access to my various accounts. In fact, if I unexpectedly pass away, just throw my laptop in the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean.
1) Do you discuss these topics when you’re vetting someone for a serious relationship?
2) What are some other topics you’ve learned the hard way that you should have asked early on in the dating process?
3) What are some other topics not covered today that people don’t discuss until it’s too late?