“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe
No one likes breakups – they involve pain, depression, anger, and the loss of someone you truly loved. Whether you or your partner initiated the breakup, both of you will have to work through your feelings and give yourselves time to heal. Generally, the longer your relationship lasted, the more time you will need to move on from it. And if you feel completely torn and shattered on the inside (which, if you’re reading this, you just might), you can overcome the pain if you take the following tips into consideration.
- Take the breakup as an opportunity to love yourself
If you have dealt with a breakup recently, you might feel in a constant state of turmoil, but it’s actually a blessing in disguise. If things didn’t work out with your previous lover, it presents an opening in your life that you can fill with whatever you choose. You can try things that make your soul truly happy, like taking those sculpting classes you always wanted to, or starting that business you always dreamt of owning.
Breakups might seem painful, but they always happen for one main reason: you and that person learned and experienced all you could from one another, and now you each need to go your separate ways to keep evolving in this lifetime. If you look at it as a new beginning and a chance to keep growing toward your highest self, this will help you heal a lot faster.
- Focus on the beautiful relationships you do have
Even though you may have lost a romantic partner, you still have friends and family who love and care about you. You can still spend your time with them and enjoy life without always having a romantic type of relationship; in fact, it might actually feel more freeing for a while to not have to be tied down all the time. You can go spend an entire day with friends or family and not have to worry about what your partner is doing, or if he or she feels lonely with you not around for the day.
Remind yourself of who has been by your side through the good times, as well as the bad times, and be grateful for your connection with them. This will help you forget about what you lost by focusing on what you have.
- Don’t talk to them for a while after the end of the relationship
Seeing, talking to, or being around the person you ended a relationship with will stir up a lot of strong emotions, especially in the first few months after the breakup. Give yourself some space and time to heal by not contacting him or her until you feel ready, if ever. Maybe both of you have decided to just move on and cut ties completely, which is sometimes best if the relationship ended on bad terms.
After the initial shock of the ended relationship, you will likely go through a period of grieving and have an intense longing to get back together with them. With your emotions running high, you might forget why you two ended the relationship in the first place. Just make it easy on yourself and your feelings, and make a pact with your highest self to not contact your ex for a while.
- Be gentle to yourself
Let’s face it – breakups are one of the hardest things to go through in life. It often leaves us feeling rejected, broken, confused, and abandoned, and we’re left to mend our aching heart alone. Go easy on yourself after the breakup; if you feel like eating a pint of ice cream one night to cope with the pain, allow yourself to do it. If you need to call into work one day because you don’t feel like getting out of bed, call in.
Try not to dwell on your emotions, but also give yourself some slack for a while. You shouldn’t let the breakup dictate your entire life, but you also should realize that you can’t get over a breakup in one night. Let yourself deal with the pain in whatever way feels most comfortable to you.
- Think of all the qualities you now know you doseek in a relationship.
It’s much easier to get over a relationship when you see all the things you didn’t particularly like about them, then see the lesson of clarity to find what you do want. It might seem harsh, but it will help you remember why it wouldn’t have worked out long-term with the person anyway, and why you deserve better. Maybe that person didn’t have clear goals for their life, and you wish they did. Maybe they lost their temper easily, and you wished they had been more even-keeled. You can’t change a person, but you can decide exactly what you want in a partner, and only pursue relationships with people who possess those qualities.
Of course, no one will be perfect, but you are probably drawn to certain characteristics more than others. Any time you feel down about the breakup, remind yourself why your ex didn’t quite measure up in terms of what you wanted. This will help you stay focused on attracting someone better for you in the future.